Losing Weight Will Not Fix Your Problems
“As soon as I have lost 7 kg, I will be happier.”
“I only need to fit into my skinny jeans again and I will be more social again!”
“I will love myself more as soon as I’m back under 60 kg.”
“After I completed this diet I will have a better relationship with food again.
Maybe you will find yourself in one of these statements again… if not, I’m truely happy for you. These were all thoughts of mine I had during the time I was dealing with an eating disorder (even though I didn’t even knew I had one). I have always counted on huge changes in my life and was always hoping to change the way I see myself, as soon as I lost a certain amount of kilograms, as soon as I’m back to the weight I wanted to, as soon as I fit into jeans again, which not even weren’t my size,… and this list is even longer.
If you can relate to those thoughts, please take the time now to reflect:
When you were at your lowest weight:
– have you been as happy as you thought you’d be?
– has the relationship with your partner/ your friends changed? Have you been more social again?
– has the relationship with food changed? Could you enjoy food again? Were you able to stop dieting?
– did you have the feeling you lost enough weight? Could you stop the obsession of losing weight?
– did you liked your body more? Did you liked, respected and appreciated your body more?
– did you started loving yourself again? Did you have the feeling of being enough?
During the time of the diet in which I starved myself and forced myself to do excessive sports, I isolated myself. Mostly, because I was afraid that a friend could have offered some cake when I visit for coffee and I knew I wouldn’t be able to say no to that cake – in fact I probably could have, but it would have triggered an binge eating attack after. Going out for dinner together was something I always tried to avoid. Of course I found ways to socialize, even though there was food involved or alcohol in a night out. Cancelling breakfast and lunch on the same day and the day after and burning calories in sports would have balanced it out again – but as you can imagine, that required a lot of planning before and after.
The truth is, whenever I have lost weight, whenever I have starved myself with a diet and would actually have reached a number on the scale I thought I would be happy with – I would still find myself in self-doubt again. Of course on one point, mostly in the beginning, I was happy, because I have managed to reach the goal I was aiming for, even though that would have cost me a lot of hustle and fighting against me – against food, but in the end I never changed the way I see myself. I didn’t liked myself more than before. I still had the feeling of being too fat, not good enough, I still was avoiding eating together with friends, shifting and cancelling meals. In the end the relationship to food has never changed.
Every bite had the taste of unnecessary calorine, the bad conscience of not being allowed to eat and the question of how I could make up for it.
What Actually Will Make You Happy Again...
I would never say that losing weight will not make you happy – in fact this will always depend on everyone individually. But when it comes to abnormal eating behaviours, like emotional eating, or even eating disorders, losing weight alone will not do it, because it will not fix your problems. It will not change the way you see yourself. It will never change the relationship to food! There will still be the questions of “What can I eat?” “When can I eat?” “Am I actually allowed to eat this?”… There will always be the feeling of not being good enough.
It’s not the weight which is the actual problem, it’s a deeper emotion behind the surface.
Only after I understood my eating habits and after I got to know my triggers, I was able to detect the hidden emotions behind it and could solve the problem. Losing weight went automatically after that point!
What really made me happy in the end was the freedom to eat what and when I wanted, to do exercises, going for a run when I felt like it and not because I had to.
Find Happiness In Being You.
Please remember at this point – you are not alone with this, is not a shame to have thoughts like this, and most important – it is NOT your fault.
Let me know in comments or in a message how you feel about this and if I can support you in any way.